words we couldn't say
by garyprestons
Summary: Takes place between Three Little Words and A Brief Encounter.


Upstairs in Miranda's flat, the Take That karaoke party has reached its climax and all three are in various state of intoxication and merriment. Even though it's past midnight, Miranda is on the low end of the scale for both – she's miserable, but also only slightly buzzed. Stevie is still dancing on the table to Nobody Else, belting out the lyrics so loudly and inaccurately that Miranda sinks down further into the couch and buries her face in a pillow to try and block out the sound. And the customer, their enigmatic new best friend, is singing along more quietly, letting the tiny blonde have her solo.

She's trying so hard to forget what happened only hours earlier in the restaurant: finally telling Gary that she loves him, watching his reaction – or lack thereof. And then of course the actual Gary Barlow had to walk in and suddenly everyone was swarming around him and she was able to slip out the back without being noticed. She'd had a good cry until Stevie and the customer – no, really, what was his name? — barged into her flat and set up the karaoke.

It's a sweet and sincere effort to cheer her up, but Miranda truly wonders if she'll ever finally have the closure she so desperately needs.

They're launching in the chorus of Never Forget when there's a knock on the door. Miranda's the only one sober enough to stand on both feet so she pulls herself up off the couch and goes to answer it; probably someone's complained about the noise; Stevie's singing is certainly… unharmonious. Is that a word?

"Right, sorry, I think they-" she's saying as she opens the door, and then her voice falters because Gary's standing at her door, still dressed up to impress and he has never looked sexier, and she hates herself for that being her first thought. Because she's still so upset and so frustrated and seeing him shouldn't make her this happy.

Stevie is still singing in the background, and when the song changes to Holding Back The Tears, Miranda sighs, the irony not lost on her one bit. She holds the door open wider to let him into the flat, puts her hands on her hips, and raises her voice.

"Okay, I want everyone out who's name isn't Gary! Unless your name is actually Gary," she says to the customer, who is still singing with Stevie. "It's past midnight, you two!"

The ignore her.

Gary is still standing in the kitchen, and Miranda finally turns to him. "Sorry, um, what did you need?"

She can't even hear herself think at this point, but she knows he's here to talk, and they might as well get it over with. Rip it off quick like a plaster.

"Can we…" There's nowhere else to talk but her bedroom, and Miranda follows his gaze and sighs under her breath. Of course. He follows behind her, she closes the door, and they stand there for a moment, not saying anything, and he's only a couple feet away, well into her personal space, but she's never felt like they're so distant before.

"Sorry, Stevie's pretty loud. Rather like a dolphin," Miranda says nervously, because he's in her bedroom and this is really not how she wanted him to see it, about to have a fight or an argument or, still a possibility, he could throw her down on the bed and have his way with her. But given the awkward silence between them she thinks it's probably one of the first two options.

"I can't stay long," he starts, and oh this is not good. "I just slipped out long enough to come see you. About what you said tonight…"

"Gary, don't." She knows it's coming. She knows it's there, hovering above their heads, waiting to drop on them.

"Miranda, we've tried so many times. It… it's never worked between us. It's never been easy." She knows they're both probably thinking about the same attempts in the past: agreeing to sleep together, the drama with Tamara, constantly brinking, and then of course he's had Rose and she's had Mike. But they're both out of the picture now.

"I think it's easier… if we just stay friends."

She feels like she's been punched in the stomach. She knew it had been coming, had felt the icy-cold chill beginning to creep along her spine. But it doesn't sting any less. She's lost Mike, someone who loved her so much and she couldn't take Gary off a pedestal long enough to even give him a fair chance. And now she's lost Gary, too, having never even had him as anything but a fantasy, something to hope for.

"Yeah. Um, you're probably right," she says quietly. "Friends, then."

He moves to take her hand and then seems to change his mind and opens the door instead. Music floods back into the room, and he glances back at her. For just a fraction of a second she sees what could be hesitation, but then it's gone and so is he, and she sits down heavily on the edge of the bed.

Well. That's that, then. Fourteen years of unresolved tension and feelings for him, and he thinks it would be best if they just stayed friends. And honestly, she's not even sure if she can give him that. It was fine when they were friends and he didn't know, but now how can they even be around one another pretending that she's not in love with him? Because she so is, even if it's unrequited. No, she can't just go back to being friends with him like nothing's wrong.

And that hurts her right down to the core. She can hear the music and Stevie's antics, but all she can do is press the palms of her hands tight against her eyes like if she tries hard enough she can push the tears right back into their ducts. Instead she sees stars, feels the wetness against her skin, and brushes them away in frustration.

When she rejoins Stevie, her best friend takes one look at her face and wraps both arms around her waist, hugging her tightly. After a moment the customer joins in, which, weird. But she could really use a hug, and she puts her arms around both of them as they sway to the last few bars of the song together.

When they leave, she's never felt more alone.


End file.
